A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.
– Proverbs 16:9 NJK
This year has been one heck of a bumpy ride already. Things have not gone as planned. Well, things have not gone according to my plan.
I had my new years goals set and I was already well on my way to fulfilling the majority of them before the year even started.
And then… my plans had changed.
I’m not even really sure if my plans changed, they were more like derailed. And then they changed because what I had originally planned wasn’t going to happen, even if I tried.
I was attending Bible school through my church, I was well on my way to gaining weight, I was doing well with the business and had just hired a gal to take under my wing, I had our home schedule down and that’s a miracle because baseball had just started… and then… I found out I was pregnant. And it aaaallll went downhill from there.
By the time I found out I was pregnant, I was already about seven weeks along. So I wasn’t majorly exhausted or hungry, but the first trimester woes QUICKLY caught up with me after I found out I was pregnant. Before I knew it, I was missing class, missing assignments, had a hard time getting out of bed, exhausted after doing simple tasks like taking a shower, hungry ALL the time but had very little energy to make food so I started living off of fast food, because I was tired all the time I became grumpy with a short fuse, nausea kicked in and it got so bad and the taste of water made me sick… Life didn’t stop or slow down when I needed to and it was sad because I felt like I was drowning in my own plans and was struggling to get through them when it used to be easy peasy.
I’m pretty sure that you can tell that the baby was unplanned. My husband and I were on the same page and in agreement that another baby wasn’t going to happen until the business had taken off, we had a house, and our home life wasn’t so chaotic because of the business. But God said – NOPE!
And the pregnancy came just in time actually. Once I hit twelve weeks in my pregnancy, it was as if I overcame the first trimester hump and by then my husband needed me and the first trimester woes really slowed me down. And it slowing me down made me the person I needed to be for my husband when he needed me. By then I had to drop out of Bible school because I had missed too many classes due to my morning sickness, I had to have another employee train the new gal at the office for me, I had to cut out the unnecessary so I was able to take care of our home… I had slowed down A LOT and me slowing down taught me how to be more patient, how to be more willing, how to listen more, how to love more, how to forgive more, how to submit more… I taught me how to be the wife my husband needed at home and the partner my husband needed at work.
Do I miss school? Yes I do. Do I wish I could’ve trained the new gal? Yes, of course I do. Do I miss the things I had to cut out of my schedule? Oh boy do I. But… my ultimate goal of becoming a minister isn’t completely off the table, it’s just put aside until the next school year when I’ll be able to pick up the classes again. Our other office employee trained the new gal and the new gal is doing REALLY well. And now my schedule is lighter to where I can handle the load of the business, our family AND my pregnancy.
So really… I planned but God directed my steps. And I’m so thankful that He did. Because I see the bigger picture now and I’ve stopped fighting the plan. And now my husband has the wife he’s longed for, my children have the mother they’ve wanted, the business has the boss it needed… and this new baby has a healthy mom to carry it through to full term.
This is my snapback.